Ten Strange Things About the London Bridge Terrorism Incident

In no particular order:

  1. A terrorist attack happened in the exact same area just before the last Election took place in 2017

  2. Coincidentally there was a BBC reporter on the bridge both times

  3. The attacker supposedly had a knife duct-taped to each hand. How this is possible without help is beyond me

  4. There’s no blood on the knife the ‘civilian’ carries away from the incident. There’s also no sign of damage or bending – kitchen knives are actually really crap for stabbing or hacking people – the blade may be sharp but they’re truly not designed for either activity

  5. Aerial footage from the BBC helicopter showed a jack-knifed white truck across the bridge. Armed police could be seen surrounding it and approaching it slowly with caution. The BBC presenter said they had received reports that police had fired at the truck, causing it to stop. This was never mentioned again

  6. The BBC spoke to a bunch of people on the telephone who had directly witnessed the event. Several of them reported two series of gunshots, which fits in with the police firing at the truck. Most of the phone calls were replayed in the rolling coverage, but not the ones that mentioned two lots of shots

  7. The ‘civilian’ with the knife takes a white bag out of his pocket and discards it in a curiously exaggerated fashion. Was that a signal?

  8. Footage exists of the terrorist sitting back up again, despite the fact he’d been shot twice at point blank range and badly beaten by the narwhal tusk ninja and the dudes with fire extinguishers

  9. The speed that the authorities declared the terrorist to be a lone wolf was far too fast – literally the next morning. That surely wasn’t long enough for the intelligence agencies to track down and interview everyone he hung out with, looked at everything on his electronic devices, and examined all possible links to terrorist organizations

  10. Everyone’s been named now – the poor victims and the brave vigilantes, all except for the ‘civilian’…